


Let Me Drown in You

by Caelestis_Celeste



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Hinata is only mentioned or alluded to, How Do I Tag, M/M, but im late in posting this ahuhuhu well here in ao3 that is, haikyuu!! - Freeform, hoshikage, hurt hoshiumi korai, its just sad guys i dont know what else to say, its poem - ish, kagehoshi, kageyama is kind of a jerk here but he isn't aware of it ;-;, no happy ending, not really a story but more closer to a poem?, pure angst, sad hoshiumi korai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29750418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelestis_Celeste/pseuds/Caelestis_Celeste
Summary: Day 5: “Did you ever love me?” ||  Kageyama Tobio x Hoshiumi Korai ||Where Hoshiumi thinks before he speaks.
Relationships: Hoshiumi Kourai/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 4





	Let Me Drown in You

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at Twitter @Caelestis_12

Was it stupid to fall in love with you? 

Maybe...but aren’t we all just as stupid, 

as desperate, 

as foolish, 

seeking so hard, 

to be loved, 

to be understood.

It is in our nature, after all.

When we met it was brief, fleeting

I was a spitfire of a person

Loud and hot and bright

You were more subdued

More silent

Calm

Yet there are times I see you 

times where there’s no more milk left,

or when the ball doesn’t land quite right

Even times where you lay on the cold hard wood of the gym hoping no one sees you cry

Theres disappointment,

Frustration,

Pain

You were messy in your emotions

But god did I love it

it made you so real

human, as if you were never one in the first place

like finally I can touch you,

Reach you,

Hold you.

And I realize I was wrong 

Wrong because you were more than subdued,

More than silent 

More than calm

God, you were also brash, 

And stupid

And angry 

And violent

And so so passionate

You were fallible.

Maybe this is where it started?

Where I started to view you less as an idol

Away from a golden pedestal 

And more than a king 

Because You were a kid

Stupid and naive

Just like me, Young, foolish, hopefull

And just like domino blocks, all neatly placed one after the other

It all tumbled down,

A ripple effect

And now I’m entirely consumed in the thought of you

Because once you start falling for someone

you can’t help but give it all and take it all

You had me by your gaze,

Enchanting, bewitching

Those deep deep blue eyes that could rival the waves 

And maybe it was fitting, as complex and mysterious as you were 

That they would look at you and compare you to the vast oceans

And like the fool that I am

I couldn’t help but be pulled into your tides

And damn did I drown

But it was with revel

With pleasure

With the utmost satisfaction

I was happy to be drowned as long I would drown in you

Deep deep beneath those eyes,

Those hands,

Your body,

Your love

I was content

I was happy

But like we’ve learned in all the games we’ve played

You can’t always win

Because when you stare at me with those eyes

Eyes that I have yet to uncover the full extent of its depths and what they hold

When you stare at me so softly yet so sadly

Hold on to me so desperately and closely 

As if you were scared

As if I was already gone

When I am just here

You look at me and there’s something in your smile, in your eyes, in that gaze of yours that I can’t decipher, can’t understand

There is longing in your eyes,

Maybe sadness,

Love?

For a long while I didn’t know

And then I understood,

God, I understood

and it hurts

It hurts so much

I can’t breathe

It left me choking for air

Smothered completely by the waves

But still I drown in you

You look at me so wistfully

You hold me so closely 

As if you were reminiscing 

As if there was something I couldn’t see,

Was there something behind me? On me?

And then I see the traces the sun left behind

Because it never really left

At first it was when you made me Tamago Kake Gohan

Or ask me about the blond haired manager, 

or the green haired boy, only for you to say sorry

Even when you set the ball unexpectedly fast, too fast

And it makes me scramble to get to it, to reach it, Running and heaving

Because maybe if I reach the ball I’ll finally truly reach you too

But it falls to the ground and I was too late

And here the last puzzle piece clicks

I couldn’t fly that time,no, not like what you were used to...

Did you ever see me? 

I begin to wonder if you ever really did

Because there were always traces of him everywhere

And its never going to leave

When you look at me you don’t see soft white hair

No, it’s unruly curly bright vibrant ginger locks

Not pale light hands, no, to you they’re tan and sun - kissed 

When you see me jump

Do you stare and think of me?

Or of him

And of course I know the answer

Because you may have been the sea

But I was never your sun

Just a flimsy replacement 

Of a love that never really left your heart

And now I drown in you

I still do

Breathless

Gasping for air

And I wonder if the water around me

Was the sea

Or my tears

You have consumed me in my entirety 

Deeper and deeper I go

Under the waves as they pull me down

And I choke,

I suffocate,

I drown,

In the thought of never being enough for you

“Hey, Tobio....did you ever love _me_?”


End file.
